1. Delete your ex off social media
In my case, this was imperative. A therapist actually recommended this right after my break up. I was given the advice to delete all family members. This was really hard for me but a year later, I think it was the best decision. I had kept someone on my friends list and saw my exes girlfriend on their page replying and liking things, and it was hurtful. You don’t want to see what your ex is doing or who he’s involved with. If the breakup is on good terms, maybe it’s ok, but I think the best way to move forward is to clean up your friends list. Out of sight out of mind.
2. Change Things Up At Home
- Get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex
- Rearrange your furniture (this feels so refreshing!)
- Put up pictures that make you happy!
- Buy new bedding (this was a must for me!)
- This is a perfect time to get rid of clutter! Organize everything and let go of things that don’t have a purpose
- Paint ! Change up your bedroom color.
- Start some new projects around your home
- Decorate your porch. It feels good to come home to a welcoming new porch set up
- Buy your favorite candles and light them to create a cozy atmosphere
- Buy some house plants!
Your home should be your retreat. If it isn’t, start with one room and branch off from there
3. Pursue a New Hobby
This really helped me. My new hobby is gardening. I poured my heart and soul into starting seeds inside then planting them in the spring. My garden was huge! Gardening is very time consuming. I needed something to keep me busy so I wasn’t sitting around obsessing over the breakup. It felt great to reap the rewards of my garden! I also started canning, and preserving everything I grew to enjoy this winter. I am very proud of what I accomplished!
If gardening isn’t your thing, try an art form, or something that can get you to exercise!
4. Self care
As a Mom, I always put myself on the back burner. A year ago, I looked at my wardrobe ready to go back to work and realized I hardly bought myself any clothes for years. I used to wear heels everyday, jewelry and cute things. This past year I have made a point to start taking care of myself, because once you take care of yourself, you can take care of others.
After having babies I kept telling myself “I don’t want to buy anything until I get this weight off” this mentality is RIDICULOUS. Dress for how you are now, so you feel good about yourself RIGHT NOW.
I also started getting my brows tinted and waxed. I get manicures, pedicures and facials. Thankfully, I work at a salon so this is usually free. If you can afford it, set aside some money for some self care! If you can’t, take the time for yourself and do these things at home!
I am a firm believer that a great haircut can change your life!
A good friend of mine recently told me to buy lingerie. I thought this was the silliest thing I have ever heard. Why would I need it ?! I have never owned lingerie before. I didn’t feel confident about my body.
I took her advice and picked out a few things online. Let me tell you, it doesn’t matter what your body looks like, lingerie is sexy! It definitely is a confidence boost. I see exactly why she suggested it!
5. Plan a Trip!
You need something to be excited about and to look forward to! Mini trips are so underrated. I love weekend trips! What is within 3 hours of your home? Research! Try a new winery or shopping location. If you are a single mom like me, look for fun places to take your kids! This year I have taken my kids to Branson twice and also went to St. Louis. We also went camping and explored local places close to home. I will make another post in the future for how I do it CHEAP! It’s a game to me. I hunt for deals and just make it happen. I am also very lucky with my career I can do things last minute and get a great last minute deal. Planning ahead can also save you lots of money as well. I will talk more about this later.
6. Start a new show!
Night time was always the hardest for me. When I am busy chasing and playing with my kids during the day, I am not thinking so much about the break up. I don’t think about it while I am busy at work either.
Nights when everyone was in bed and my house was quiet was when it was the hardest. I started watching new shows and listening to new podcasts. I hardly ever sat in silence. I also did most of my canning at night too, to keep me busy.
7. Become a planner! Plan for your future!
I am a planner junkie. I love writing in my planner. My planner is usually pretty covered. I plan out all of our activities, appts, work schedule etc. I also plan our meals for the week. It really helps me feel like I have my shit together! I even plan chores!
Aside from that type of planning, I also have a budget. I write all my bills down for the month and make sure I have money set aside for savings.
I have a financial planner now. This isn’t something you have to have, but a financial planner definitely helps you tackle short term goals and your long term financial goals.
I pay all of my bills in the beginning of the month.
It doesn’t matter how much money you make if you live within your means. I am a firm believer that being poor is a mentality. It costs nothing to be happy and have a great time.
I will touch on this subject and share what my short and long term goals are in another upcoming post as well.
8. Get Emotional
It is normal and okay to have hard days. Going through a break up can be traumatic. It was extremely traumatic for me. There will be people to tell you to move on, get over it, be glad it’s over, etc. most people have good intentions, but ITS A PROCESS!
You will have awesome days and some not so awesome days.
In the beginning, I cried a lot! I was sad and at times felt really depressed. With grief there are many stages. Soon the anger crept in. Man, was I angry!
I rarely have hard days now. I still have them though. It’s ok to feel emotional. I have found coping mechanisms to get me through it.
I always acknowledge how I am feeling. If I’m feeling sad, I let myself feel those emotions and then remind myself how much better my life is now.
You are allowed to miss someone who was not good for you.
Again for the people in the back!
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO MISS SOMEONE WHO WAS NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
It doesn’t mean you want them back. The more I grew the more I realized there were two men I was married to. The man I married and the man I wanted him to be. After months and months I realized the one I missed and had always rooted for was the one I wanted my husband to be. I still was longing for this man, dreaming about this man and missing this fictional character I made up over the years. This make believe man was going to call me and tell me he made so many mistakes but wanted to rebuild and seek counseling and get our family back together. This man was sorry. This man couldn’t do life without me.
The day I got divorced, this man disappeared. I thought this man would stop our lawyers, stop the judge and look at me and say, “We can’t do this! Let’s get out of here” I scaled the courtroom … he wasn’t there.
I haven’t seen him since. I haven’t felt his presence in my thoughts or have had any longing for him. He may come back again from time to time.. but at least I know now who he is… a figment of my imagination.
9. Buy Yourself the flowers
This may sound silly. Date yourself. It is so important to love yourself. There is a lot of pressure by friends and family to start dating again. They all have great intentions. I recommend dating yourself first. I started buying myself flowers and doing little things for myself. I would post pictures of these flowers that made me happy and everyone assumed I was dating. I sort of had fun with this because I knew I wasn’t ready to date. I actually didn’t really put myself out there into the dating world until recently.
10. Try Online Dating
Instead of putting pressure on my friends or hoping I’d bump into men I decided to get myself out there and try online dating. I will make a different post about my recent dating experience soon. I knew I would not get into a relationship while I was separated. I am so glad I took the time to be alone during the last year. If you are ready, get online.
It took me about ten months before I went on my first real date. I wanted to make sure the dust had settled and wanted to give myself some time to heal. Getting a divorce can be a lengthy process. I didn’t want to start a new relationship while I technically still had a husband. I don’t want that in my history with someone.
Now that I am officially single, I’m ready to see where things can go. I used online dating sites months prior as a way to look at the fish without casting a line out to grab one.
Stay tuned for my next post about what I am looking for now!